


How to be a Heartbreaker

by brionypoisoned



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Carte Blanche fic, Give Peter Nureyev a hug, Humor, Juno and Peter try to work out their stuff, One Shot, Other, Some Swearing, This started out totally goofy and then turned sort of earnest for some reason?, found family shenanigans, i can't explain it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24531661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brionypoisoned/pseuds/brionypoisoned
Summary: Peter suggests to Buddy that Juno could use some acting practice. Things do not go according to plan.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 21
Kudos: 131





	How to be a Heartbreaker

**Author's Note:**

> This is set shortly after the Man in Glass. Peter is still bitter in this one but he's working on it.

Juno looked up at Peter with such open, trusting, vulnerability that Peter found he couldn't breathe. He fully believed he'd actually pass out if Juno kept looking at him like that, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. Peter's cheeks colored, his eyelids half shut...

"DIAL IT UP A LITTLE BOSS!" Rita heckled through a mouthful of popcorn. "It's too tame! it needs more UMPH." 

Peter cringed and looked down at the carpet of the Carte Blanche living room. Juno made a petulant face at his former secretary, who was sitting with her tiny legs curled up under her on the couch a few feet away.

"Oh cut me some slack, Rita! What do you want me to do, give him a lap dance?" Juno griped. 

Peter stared out the window into the void of space, envying its frigid nothingness. 

"I don't know, Rita." Vespa said from her seat on the couch, taking a handful of popcorn from Rita's bucket. "I think I'd throw up a little if he amped it up any more."

"I thought it looked great! Pete, what do you think?" Buddy asked from her high backed armchair, looking at Peter with an expression of polite expectation.

The worst thing was that the whole situation was partially his fault. Following their SNAFU of a first mission, Peter had given Buddy a full report on his and Juno's successes and failures. Many of the failures came down to Juno's inexperience at subterfuge, and in particular his difficulty with taking on a role. Juno's honesty and forthrightness were two of his most endearing, and sometimes irritating, qualities, but they were a stumbling block to his success as an undercover agent. 

In response to Peter's comments Buddy had come up with the idea of giving Juno some acting practice. That evening she forced the entire crew to gather in the shared living room of the Carte Blanche. Two cups filled with little slips of paper sat on the coffee table, one filled with roles (brainstormed earlier by the crew), and one filled with each crew member's name. Juno was to pick a slip from each cup and "play a scene," with whatever crew member he picked.

Peter didn't know whether to blame his own or Juno's rotten luck for Juno pulling "Seduction," and "Peter Ransom" right off the fucking bat. 

"I uh... I don't know if I'm the best judge for this particular scenario." Peter answered Buddy, trying to keep his tone professional. 

"Nonsense, Pete! Out of everyone here you and I have the most experience playing honeypots!" Buddy drawled in encouragement. "I think you're in a prime position to give some constructive feedback."

Peter let out a deep sigh and glanced over at Juno, who was a picture of apologetic sweetness.

They'd stayed up til five am the night after the gala, trying to break through thick layers of reticence and talk things out. Peter was fairly confident they'd made a dent in... something, but neither of them had really broken through. Whatever they were going to do to survive this situation, they were going to take it slow. Re-build trust. Perhaps actually build a structure of a relationship instead of just cannonballing into one like they had done before. 

But they hadn't even KISSED yet and now Juno was supposed to be SEDUCING HIM and Peter would honestly rather cut his own leg off with a dull axe than continue to do this in front of every single one of his coworkers.

"Well..." Peter tried not to squirm. "I think Juno was doing just fine, but only because he knows me... so well. Chances are on an actual job he won't know the mark with nearly the same amount of... intimacy." The last word conjured up all sorts of inopportune memories but his brain couldn't land on any more appropriate words in its mad scramble for coherence.

"Mmm." Buddy nodded. "That's a great point. Let's give you a role as well. Jet! Give me a pseudonym!"

"Blevin Sanderkey." Jet responded with utter seriousness, not missing a beat. He sat all the way in the back of the room, quiet and polite as a model elementary school student. 

"That's... definitely not a name, but ok! We're rolling with it." Buddy said. "Pete, you're Blevin now. Juno, you are no longer attempting to seduce Peter Ransom, you are attempting to seduce a complete stranger named Blevin. Go for it."

"What... what...what's the scenario?" Juno asked, stuttering, glancing between Peter and Buddy with an expression of fear and confusion.

"Ooooh! Oooh! I got this one, Boss!" Rita squealed, jumping up and nearly upsetting her bucket of popcorn. Vespa caught it just in time. "Ok ok ok! In this scenario Buddy and Vespa are trying to break into a top secret security lockbox in the other side of a... a... department store! And you've gotta seduce the night watchman! Blevin Saundersnatch!"

"Sanderkey." Jet corrected, almost not loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Seriously?" Juno asked.

"Sounds good to me!" Buddy announced. "Give it a shot." 

Peter shook his head and attempted to get in character. The sooner this whole situation was over the sooner he'd be able to file this away and pretend it never happened. A night watchman. He'd encountered enough of them in his lifetime to have some sort of idea how this would play out. He set his feet slightly farther apart than usual and held his hand at his hip, where his comms and possibly blaster would be. 

"Hey, you!" He growled, trying to strip away all of his feelings and baggage towards the man in front of him and speak to him as a complete stranger. "What the fuck are you doing here?" 

"That's a cred for the swear jar." Jet muttered to Buddy.

"I'll allow it in a role-play." Buddy nodded. 

Juno took a deep breath, shifting on his feet and playing with the lapels of his jacket in a way that reminded Peter viscerally of their last few minutes together in that hotel room in Hyperion city. 

"Sorry, I just uh... could you, um... maybe uh... goddamnit." Juno broke character and hid his face in his hands.

"Aw c'mon boss, you can do better than that!" Rita heckled.

"Id've already kicked your ass by now, if I was that guard." Vespa added.

"God this sucks." Juno muttered.

"Pete? Any tips?" Buddy asked, a playful glint in her eye. 

Peter took a deep breath. Without Juno staring up at him prettily with his perfect face and gentle, soft smile, it was easier for him to focus. He addressed his answer not just to Juno, but to the room.

"Flattery is almost always the answer in a situation like this. The night watchman is bored. You are a distraction, and a lovely distraction at that. All you have to do is ask him questions and let him pretend to be smart and you can keep him distracted for more than the amount of time necessary for Vespa and Buddy to break into a safe." 

"Switch roles." Buddy directed. "Juno, you're Blevin now. Petey, give him the business."

Juno and Peter made eye contact out of character and shared a moment of mutual misery. It was over in a second, however, and both of them struggled to get into character.

"Hey! Uh, you! What are you doing here? The store's closed!" Juno asked, standing up as tall as he could and crossing his arms. Peter couldn't help but find his attempt at a surly voice to be utterly endearing.

"Oh is it? My goodness, I'm so sorry officer! I completely lost track of time! I'm SO glad you're here to help me!"

"Lost track of time, huh? We shut the lights off in here 20 minutes ago _sir..._ " Juno/Blevin replied, adding a touch of new information to the scene. Peter rolled with it casually. 

"Precisely officer! I was just looking for a new pair of dress shoes and all the lights went out! It was _very_ spooky in here! And I'm just PETRIFIED of the dark." Peter hummed, sidling up to Juno and giving him a long, slow glance. "I had hoped you might be able to... help me find my way out." He finished, voice barely above a whisper, face inches away from the other man's. Juno let out a little whimper and fumbled for a response.

"GOT HIM!" Buddy announced, and everyone in the room laughed and clapped. "Oh that was very well done, Pete. Juno, tell me what Pete did there that worked so well." 

"He uh..." Juno blushed. "He touched my arm?" he admitted. Peter realized he was still in physical contact with Juno and took a few apologetic steps back. 

"Interesting!" Buddy smiled. "Well... obviously physical contact is important for a seduction. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a gentle tap on the arm can be enough if you do it right. Pete, any other notes?" 

"It's, um. I suppose..." Peter glanced at Juno almost in apology. "A lot of it has to do with confidence. You have to approach the mark absolutely certain that you have something they want. You can usually get them to agree." 

"But I don't know anything about this guy!" Juno protested. "I don't know if I have anything that he wants! Look at me, I don't know if I have anything... period!" Juno admitted, betraying some nerves.

"You know we don't allow negative self talk on this ship." Buddy cautioned.

"Besides, how you feel about your actual self has nothing to do with it!" Peter said with a little shrug. "You aren't Juno, in this scenario. You are simply a vessel for whatever... whatever Blevin wants you to be. It's quite simple really."

Juno smiled one of his rare, flickering smiles.

"Sounds kinda nice, actually. To not be Juno Steel for a minute." 

"No, that actually sounds like an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism, and we're gonna talk about that later." Buddy said. "For now, though, Juno, let's do this one more time. New scenario. Peter is in the process of burgling a mansion. You are in the dining room having an after dinner drink with... Jet, give me a name."

"Hera Kargill." Jet offered.

"Fine. Hera Kargill. Now, action!"

Juno and Peter once again scrambled to wrap their minds around the new scenario. Juno cleared his throat.

"That's, um, a lovely dress you're wearing tonight, Hera." Juno said.

"Thank you, I was just about to comment on yours!" Peter answered. His whole body language shifted as he stepped into the role of Hera. He extended his neck somewhat, pulled his shoulders back, a picture of haughty elegance.

"Mine hasn't got a scratch on yours." Juno said. "You've got just the right shape for it."

Peter couldn't help but smile. 

"My husband would be interested to hear you say that!"

"You can tell him I said it if you want. You deserve to have someone get a little jealous over you." 

Rita let out a little shrill squeak only to be shushed by Jet and Vespa.

Peter batted his eyelashes. 

"Well aren't you sweet. Didn't you come here with a friend? Where'd that fellow of yours run off to?"

"Who knows? I'm pretty happy with the company I'm in now." Juno deflected. Peter, much to his chagrin, felt a completely irrational surge of jealousy on behalf of the imaginary version of himself off somewhere else in this hypothetical mansion. This was getting absurd.

"Well in that case, pour me another drink, dear." Peter muttered, holding out an imaginary wine glass. Juno pantomimed taking it and then took Peter's hand in his, kissing the back of it with a gentle sweetness that made Peter finally blush.

"THAT'S IT WE GOT ANOTHER ONE!" Buddy announced, and once again everyone cheered.

Juno dropped Peter's hand in embarrassment but looked up with a kind of relieved expression. 

"Did I do it?" He asked Buddy, as Peter turned away to try to collect himself.

"I'll give you a solid B+ for that one, Juno." Buddy said.

"BOSS I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD IT IN YOU! THAT HAND KISS! OH MY GOD!" Rita was kicking her feet in excitement. "That was too friggin' cute boss, I'm gonna LOSE IT!"

"Pete? Any final notes?" Buddy asked.

Peter tried to banish any lingering jealousies and give a fair recap.

"The flattery was excellent... you kept the focus on her... all in all I'd say you did quite well, Juno. A touch awkward at the beginning but in this particular situation I admit it worked for you."

"Oh, awkward, huh?" Juno teased. "You didn't seem to mind it." 

Peter gave Juno a cautionary look and then hurried to a seat behind the couch. That was more than enough of being the center of attention for one evening. 

The next scenario Juno pulled out of the cup was "Confuse" and he was up against Jet. Peter tried to pay attention, but he kept thinking about the way Juno's eye had glanced up at him when he had pressed his soft lips against the back of his hand. His mind kept wandering to other moments of skin against skin with Juno, and he was barely able to make it through the next scenario before having to excuse himself. 

Later that evening, after several hours of laying on his bed and willing his heart rate to go down, Peter heard a polite tapping on his door.

"Uh... Ransom?" Juno's slightly muffled voice came from outside.

"Come in." Peter answered.

Juno stepped into Peter's room for the third time since they both joined the crew of the Carte Blanche. Peter was beginning to suspect that this was going to be a regular occurrence.

"I'm surprised you have any energy left after all of that acting." Peter said, sitting up on the edge of his bed. 

"Oh yeah, I'm stressed all the way out." Juno said with a little laugh. "I had to pretend that VESPA was my SICK WIFE. I think she's gonna stab me in my sleep." 

"Well, that's hardly a new development." Peter noted. 

"Fair." Juno admitted. "Hey. I uh..." Juno fidgeted a bit. "I wanted to ask you about some of the stuff you said about, um, playing a role." 

"Can I guess the question?" Peter asked, surprising himself. 

"I mean... it's not like a trivia game or something..." Juno protested.

"Are you going to ask me whether I was playing a role when we first met? Whether I was seducing you in the character of Rex Glass?"

"Oh. Shit." Juno said. "I mean... yeah that's what I was gonna ask."

"The answer is... yes and no."

"Cool, my least favorite answer to anything." Juno said, in a teasing way.

Peter scoffed and Juno's smile warmed up a bit.

"What I mean is... I tend to use flirtation and flattery as a way to keep people off balance. And when we first met that was mostly my intention. But, later... I could have just left, Juno."

Juno nodded, meeting Peter's eyes directly. 

"Yeah. You could've." 

"It was a silly indulgence to stay. To have a drink with you. You know... I was actually flattered that you invited me up to your room? I was supposed to be flattering YOU."

"I'm glad you did. Come up to my room, that is." Juno said. "I mean, I knew you were full of shit at that point, but I still wanted to kiss you." 

"Christ, Juno." Peter swallowed, remembering Juno's whiskey tinted lips the first night they met. He absently rubbed the back of his neck. "Is Buddy outside, or something? Is Rita going to run in and give you some kind of award for outstanding performance?" 

"I'm not acting." Juno said, with full earnestness. "You know I suck at acting. I just... anyway. You DON'T suck at acting so I guess I just wondered... it's fine. Sorry." 

"I haven't been insincere with you since you had me arrested Juno." Peter said. "Which is, considering everything about me, something of a miracle." 

"I..." Juno looked as though he wanted to say something, but instead he stood frozen in front of Peter with a miserable expression. "I should have been more sincere with you." He finally said. 

"Oh I'm not sure about that." Peter let out a little joyless laugh and cleared his throat. "I don't know what reason you had for leaving but I can think of very few of them that I would want to hear spelled out." 

"It wasn't you." Juno said. "You weren't... I didn't leave because of you. When I said you were the best goddamn thing thats ever happened to me I absolutely meant it. It's just... I messed up."

Peter nodded and stared at the floor. 

"You're better at seduction than you think you are, Juno." He said. 

"Thanks, I guess." Juno sighed. "I should probably go back to my room, huh?"

"I think so." Peter said. 

"I'll be back though, if that's ok." Juno said. "I mean, not like, tonight, but..."

"I understand." Peter said, glancing up again with a deep breath. "And you're welcome. To come back." 

"Great." Juno's voice cracked a little bit as he answered. For a minute the two men seemed to match one another in a moment of optimism. Juno gave a little wave as he stepped outside, and the second he was gone Peter lay back on his bed, exhausted. 

"Good night, Juno." Peter sighed.


End file.
